


I've been waiting for you

by WildHurricane



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Drama, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 14:56:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19211767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildHurricane/pseuds/WildHurricane
Summary: Kurt and Blaine are casual friends who sleep together occasionally. It's an arrangement that suits Kurt perfectly. Until one day when he realizes his feelings run much deeper than he wants them to. That's when he realizes something else, too. He doesn't really know Blaine or if he's the only man in Blaine's life. Should he tell him and risk losing the great, uncomplicated thing they have or go on pretending nothing has changed and hope his feelings will fizzle out?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't usually put out warnings for my stories, but for this one I will. This story contains the character Eli, and I understand that it's a character many might not want to see in a Klaine fic. Please don't read if Eli upsets you, though he only appears very briefly, he plays an important role in this fic. If I can, I try to use characters from canon, and here it made sense to use Eli. We don't know a lot about him, neither does Kurt, and I tried to use that lack information to enhance the insecurities Kurt feels. But don't worry, this is a **Klaine** story and nothing else. 
> 
> The inspiration to this fic came from the lines below. They are from the song "K" by Cigarettes after Sex:
> 
>   _I remember when I first noticed that you liked me back_  
>  _We were sitting down in a restaurant waiting for the check_  
>  _We had made love earlier that day with no strings attached_  
>  _But I could tell that something had changed how you looked at me then_
> 
>  
> 
> English still isn't my first language :)

Kurt slid off Blaine, spent and sated, and sprawled out on the bed like a starfish while Blaine slipped out of bed. A sliver of May early afternoon sunlight filtered through the curtain and warmed his cheek. He turned his head to where Blaine had disappeared into the bathroom after their unplanned meeting. He could hear the shower running and thought about joining Blaine, but quickly dismissed it. They never took showers together. It wasn’t that he thought Blaine would mind, or that he wouldn't like to run his fingers along Blaine's toned body one more time, it just wasn’t part of what they did.

Kurt turned his face back towards the window. It was a gorgeous day outside, one of those you could get in May where it felt like the middle of the summer. The sun shone from a clear blue sky and Kurt thought it was a perfect day for an outdoor lunch. This was his favorite way to spend his lunch break; thirty minutes in Blaine's bed followed by lunch at his favorite café two blocks down the street.

It wasn’t like they've made a thing out of it, it just sort of happened from time to time. Sometimes more frequently, sometimes there were weeks apart, never planned ahead. It happened when one of them reached out, when there was an itch to scratch, a thirst to quench. They were usually quite good at helping each other out. And the best part, there was no need to explain and no expectations afterwards. If one of them said no for one reason or other, there was no need to explain that either.

Kurt hated the ‘friends with benefits’ epithet, it sounded like a commitment in itself, and this wasn’t like that. He couldn't deny though, that he and Blaine had become friends through this little arrangement of theirs. The first time they ended up in bed he barely knew Blaine. Blaine worked in the same office complex as he, but on a different floor and with a completely different job. They were introduced through a mutual friend and started to say hello when they ran into each other in the elevator or the office corridors. They didn't end up in bed until six months later though.

“Why are you still naked? I thought you wanted to head to the Loft before going back to work.” Blaine stood in his underwear by the end of the bed, putting his pants back on.

“Come back to bed.” For some reason, seeing Blaine in his underwear Kurt didn't feel like rushing out anymore despite being hungry and despite the nice weather. He could grab a sandwich on the way and eat by his desk.

Blaine gave him an odd look before he put on that adorable smile of his. “There's gonna be a line if we don't leave soon, and you know how much you hate lines. Come on, get dressed now.” Blaine tickled the sole of his foot and Kurt quickly yanked it away from him.

Blaine had his pants on now and was picking up his shirt from the floor. To Kurt's dismay Blaine clearly had no intention of joining him in bed again. Kurt suddenly felt very exposed and covered himself with the sheets. Blaine had seen him naked more times than any other man that had passed through his life, but this was the first time Kurt felt awkward about it.

What was he thinking asking Blaine to come back to bed? Cuddles after sex was not part of what they did either, unless they were both drunk and then it had happened that he spent the night. But those occasions were rare. They had sex, got dressed, headed out, grabbed something to eat and talked about life. It was a solid arrangement, one that Kurt had been the head advocate for. He was the one who told Blaine he wasn't interested in a relationship and felt relieved when Blaine was on the same page. He had no idea why he suddenly wanted to make changes to their arrangement.

Kurt got out of bed, wrapped in the sheets and feeling shy. He searched for his underwear and found them by the bedroom door where he must have thrown them because he was pretty sure he was in bed when he stripped out of them. He gathered the rest of his clothes and disappeared into the bathroom to freshen up and get dressed.

Ten or so minutes later he was ready. He was careful to always be on top of Blaine when they met during lunch, that way he didn't mess up his hair and didn't have to spend the remains of his break fixing it. Blaine didn't care about positions. He just showered, used his raspberry scented hair gel and then he was ready to go.

“Ready?” Blaine asked, already standing by the door with his shoes and suit jacket on.

Blaine's bowtie was a little askew. Everything else on him was perfect but the bowtie told a story Kurt wasn't willing to share. With a smile Kurt walked up to Blaine and straightened it.

“Ready,” he said and fought off the urge to kiss Blaine’s cheek because of the adorable smile Blaine gave him.

They walked side by side down the street, shoulders bumping accidentally now and then. It was nice and familiar walking there next to Blaine. Everything with Blaine was. They’d known each other almost a year and a half now, sleeping together about a year of that time. It first happened after a night out with his friends last summer. Kurt had had one Cosmopolitan too many when he, on his way out of the bar to get a cab home, quite literally stumbled into Blaine. Kurt hadn't noticed before how stunningly beautiful Blaine's eyes were but at that moment he did, and he couldn’t look away. With Blaine holding him in his arms, steadying him, his features so soft and his face so close, Kurt couldn’t hold back the urge to kiss him.

He knew Blaine was gay, that much he’d figured out through their small talk. And even if he hadn’t, Rachel was constantly whispering the words in his ear, pushing him to make a move. But he wasn’t interested in a relationship. He was new to the city and he was focusing on his career. The fashion industry was a competitive business and if he didn’t give it his all, he’d have to pack his bag and take the next flight back to the small town he grew up in. Kurt wasn’t going back. New York was his home now.

But that night, with too much alcohol and too much unreleased sexual tension in his body, he let go and he gave Blaine a night to remember. By the end of it they were both exhausted and utterly spent and Kurt fell asleep in Blaine’s bed. It wasn’t part of the plan, but neither was sleeping with Blaine, actually there was no plan at all, and it resulted in an awkward morning after. Until they had the talk where they both agreed they enjoyed the past night but neither were looking for a relationship.

“That’s a really cool tie,” Blaine said out of the blue. He had just been talking about his brother’s latest escapades in Los Angeles, to which Kurt had only listened halfheartedly, deep in his own thoughts.

“The tie, it’s nice,” Blaine continued when he noticed Kurt’s confused look. “Where did you get it?”

Kurt looked down at his chest where the navy blue tie with intricate patterns in yellow and pink laid against his light blue shirt. It was a tie he’d had for months, but he couldn’t remember the name of the place he got it from. “It’s from that place on Madison Avenue, near Midtown. You know?”

Blaine shook his head. “Do they have bowties there as well?”

“You want to get a matching bowtie?” Kurt asked and poked Blaine’s side with his elbow. He was joking, of course, but couldn’t help the little thrill that rushed through him when he thought about Blaine wearing something that matched him. Then the thrill was replaced with something unsettling. Kurt liked unique outfits, maybe not so much at work as on his free time, but he liked to stand out. Why would he get excited about the prospect of Blaine wearing a matching bowtie?  

Blaine’s laughter was always so sweet and bubbly, his smile contagious, and this moment was no different. “No,” he said and swatted Kurt’s arm playfully. “It just looks like really good quality and I thought they might have other cool patterns.”

As they turned a corner, the sun hit their faces and Blaine pulled out a pair of his signature colorful sunglasses from his leather messenger bag. Today’s pair was hot pink and would look ridiculous on anyone else with a fancy suit, but somehow Blaine managed to pull it off. Kurt kept his eyes straight ahead even if the sun hurt his eyes. Something was different, he wasn’t sure what, but he couldn’t look at Blaine without feeling funny.

The Loft was the best café the Lower East Side had to offer. In Kurt’s opinion. It was quiet and cozy and away from the hectic life of downtown Manhattan. And they had the best beetroot and halloumi salad with pomegranate seeds Kurt had ever tasted. It was all in the vinaigrette of course, but it was absolutely delicious and he ordered it every time. Today he ordered a bagel as well, he kind of had to after the way he pounded Blaine into the mattress earlier.

“Hungry?” Blaine asked with a knowing smirk when they sat down at one of the small wooden tables on the sidewalk outside the café.

“I blame you,” Kurt said and smiled back. “You almost killed me back there.”

“If I remember correctly, you did most of the killing.”

“Only because you asked for it.”

Blaine had sent him a text earlier asking if they could meet up during lunch. The text didn’t entail any more details than that, but Kurt knew what it meant. It wasn’t often Blaine took the initiative, especially not in the beginning when it was only Kurt directing their meetings. Kurt wasn’t sure why, but didn’t really think about it either. Somewhere during the long winter things changed though and Blaine began texting him too. Kurt liked it, it evened things out between them. Kurt was not one to keep track of who contacted who the most times, it didn't really matter to him, but he tried to make himself available whenever Blaine wanted to meet.

Like today. He already had lunch plans with Rachel, but quickly canceled them when he got Blaine’s text. When Blaine sent him text like those, Kurt knew it would be good. It was always good, but when Blaine took the initiative it was somehow different. Better.

They didn't go to Blaine’s apartment together, they never did since they had agreed to keep this thing a secret from their friends, but when he got there, Blaine had pinned him against the wall, kissed him so fiercely it made Kurt breathless, and then he begged Kurt to be merciless.

“It was good, though.” Blaine’s smile was a shade shy of mischievous. “I really needed that today.”

“How come?” Kurt asked without really expecting an answer.

“I had a shitty morning. That promotion I was up for didn't happen. They gave the job to Hunter Clarington of all people, can you believe it?”

“You were up for a promotion?” It was the first time Blaine had mentioned anything about it to Kurt. He had no idea who this Hunter Clarington was, though by the way Blaine said his name it was like they'd talked about him dozens of times. “That's great!” Kurt said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster to hide the disappointment he felt from Blaine not telling him about his promotion opportunity.

“But I didn't get it. Are you not listening?” Blaine frowned and looked a little irritated. It didn't suit him, that look. Blaine was always a ray of sunshine and Kurt wasn't used to the frown. Now he felt bad for putting it on Blaine's face because of his own hurt feelings.

“And I'm really sorry about that, but at least you were in the running.” Kurt tried his best to cheer Blaine up and save the perfectly fine lunch from turning sour.

At first it didn't seem to work, but then Blaine broke out into a smile, and _that_ was the look Kurt liked and had grown accustomed to. His heart fluttered with rapid butterfly wings and he couldn't stop himself from grinning stupidly. He kept his face down, eyes on his salad, so Blaine wouldn't notice.

“Ah, I'm too fucked out to care right now.” Blaine's voice was low and conspiratorial but also relaxed and carefree, and totally satisfied. And Kurt nearly choked on his halloumi. Blaine leaned back in his chair and tilted his head up, letting the golden rays caress his olive skin.

There was something about Blaine sitting there in his designer suit and his pink sunglasses, looking so put together even though minutes ago he was falling apart under Kurt, talking about it, that had Kurt's breath hitching, just for a second. He took a deep breath, grateful Blaine was unaware of his tinged cheeks. He didn't have a problem with talking about sex with Blaine, not normally, but today everything was upside down and inside out somehow.

“We should celebrate,” Kurt said, trying to act as he normally would around Blaine.

“Me not getting promoted?” Blaine laughed. His sweet, bubbly laugh, and why did Kurt's belly swoop?

“You being in the running to get promoted,” Kurt returned. “You and me and some colorful drinks.”

“Is it celebrating or drowning my sorrows?” Blaine turned away from the sun, still chuckling, and placed a forkful of salad into his mouth.

“You decide. Tomorrow? After work?” Tomorrow was Friday and Kurt didn't have any plans. Why not spend it with Blaine, getting tipsy and fall into bed. Spend the night getting fucked by Blaine.

“It sounds great, Kurt, but I already have plans with Eli tomorrow. Another time?”

 _Eli_.

The twisting, knotted feeling in his gut when Blaine breathed out another man's name took Kurt by surprise. It felt too much like jealousy, but that wasn't possible. Kurt had decided the rules for their arrangement.

“How do you know Eli?” Kurt asked in his most neutral, I'm-not-dying-to-know voice.

“From college, haven't I told you?” Blaine adjusted his sunglasses and took another sip of his medium drip.

Kurt couldn't remember that he had. Eli had just sort of always been there in the background without Kurt ever really caring about him.

“How well do you know him?” Kurt nonchalantly pulled a piece of his freshly baked, whole wheat bagel and put it into his mouth.

Blaine shrugged. “He's a friend, just like you.”

 _Just like you._ What did Blaine mean by that? A friend like he and Blaine were _friends_?

“ _Exactly_ like me?” Kurt asked with enough insinuation for Blaine to understand.

Blaine smiled and winked. “No one is _exactly_ like you. You're one of a kind, Kurt.”

Kurt didn't know what to make of that answer. Was he not clear enough, or did Blaine avoid answering him on purpose? He dropped his questions because he wasn’t exactly sure anymore, what he was trying to accomplish. What they had, their arrangement _,_ it was working fine. It was a great arrangement. No strings attached, that’s what he wanted. It was what fitted into his life. He didn't have time for anything or anyone else. It was perfect.

So why was he so desperate to know that Blaine didn't have the time or desire for anyone else, too?

The rest of their lunch Kurt tried to relax and find his way back to the ease and familiarity he usually felt around Blaine. He smiled and laughed and made jokes, but something had changed within him. He could deny it when he was with Blaine, push it to the back of his mind in the cab ride back to the office, and forget about it when he was busy at work, but when he got home, with no distractions, he couldn't hide from it anymore.

This was the one thing that wasn't supposed to happen. That couldn't happen. Kurt sat up rules for himself to prevent it. No cuddles, no spending the night, no obligations. No expectations. But he forgot one thing. His heart had a mind of its own and took no consideration to Kurt’s rules.

Kurt flopped down on his couch, threw his arms across his eyes and cursed silently. He was falling for Blaine. He had no idea how it happened or for how long he'd been falling, but he knew he couldn't stop or reverse his feelings. He wasn't entirely sure he wanted to, though it would be better if he didn't feel that way. Kurt hadn't felt like that since his second year of college and though he would do anything to not feel that way about Blaine, it was with a sudden clarity he understood how much he'd missed it.

But it was bittersweet, because Blaine wasn't in love with him. Of that Kurt was sure. They had their arrangement and Blaine always played by the rules. At least he thought Blaine did. Kurt realized then that he didn't know Blaine all that well. Sure he knew his favorite food, the places he'd most like to travel to, how he liked to be fucked. But he didn't know what Blaine found attractive in a man. How many boyfriends he'd had, how long he'd been single or why he'd stayed single the past year. They'd purposely stayed away from those topics. Nothing too complicated was ever discussed, nor relationship related subjects.

Now Kurt wished they had. There was so much he wanted to know. Did Blaine have other arrangements like theirs? With Eli? With someone else? With several? Was that why his texts weren't as frequent as Kurt's? The twisting, knotted feeling was back in his gut.

Kurt couldn't eat that evening, his appetite was gone. He barely slept that night, his thoughts were spinning in every which direction. His Friday was horrible. He avoided all the places he could run into Blaine. He climbed the twenty-seven flights of stairs to his office floor, not caring about the sweat gracing his forehead when he arrived. He stayed in his cubicle all day and asked Rachel to bring him back something for lunch. He kept himself occupied. When he heard Rachel mentioning a drink at a rooftop bar after work to a colleague, he invited himself. Anything to not have to think about Blaine with Eli.

One drink turned into several, as they tended to do, but alcohol didn't make him forget. On the contrary, the more Kurt drank the more clearly he could envision Blaine and Eli together. At one point, when he was still sober enough to think with at least a little clarity, Kurt pulled Rachel aside to a quiet corner of the roof and gave his phone to her, scared he'd drunk dial Blaine and make a fool of himself.

“Take care of this for me,” he told her, “and no matter what, make sure I don't call Blaine.”

“Blaine?” Rachel scrunched her nose momentarily. “Why don't you want to talk to him?”

“I do, that's the problem,” Kurt admitted, “but he's out with _Eli_.”

“Who's Eli? And what's the problem? I don't follow, Kurt.”

Kurt did then what he wasn’t supposed to do. He told Rachel everything. About their arrangement, how long it had been going on and his newly discovered feelings for Blaine. He was sure he'd regret it at some point, but he had to talk to someone and he couldn't exactly tell his dad about this. Not after his ‘you matter, Kurt’ speech in high school.

Rachel was left gaping when he finished. It was the first time Kurt had made her speechless. It didn't last long though.

“You have to tell him,” she said, her petite body almost towering over him.

“I can't,” Kurt said feeling small. “We’ve made rules.”

“Screw that. You have to tell him, Kurt. You can't go on sleeping with him without telling him.”

“He can't know, it will change everything and I don't want to lose what we have. He's unbelievable in bed, Rachel. _We're_ unbelievable in bed, we're so freaking good together. And his body is _so_ hot, there are like muscles everywhere. I can't stop seeing him, but I can't tell him either.”

If Kurt was a little more sober and a little less freaked out, he'd find less shallow reasons why he couldn't stop seeing Blaine, but he wasn't and all he could think about was Blaine naked in bed, well defined muscles and gloriously hard. And how much he wanted to be there with him. Maybe he could be. Maybe Blaine was alone in bed right now. Maybe he could call him and ask if he could come over. Kurt's cock swelled and pressed against his pants at the thought of Blaine naked in bed.

“Can I have my phone back?” Kurt held out his hand expecting Rachel to place it there.

Rachel bit the inside of her lip and clutched the phone close to her chest. “Why?”

“I want to call Blaine.”

“Why?”

“To tell him?” Kurt didn't mean for the words to come out as a question, but he wasn’t very good at lying. Especially not when there was alcohol in his blood and his head was spinning.

“You'll get your phone back tomorrow,” Rachel said and tucked the phone into her bra, the one place she knew Kurt wouldn’t reach out to touch.

Kurt rarely disliked his own chivalry, but this was one of those moments. His phone was sticking out of her cleavage and he could reach out and snatch it from her, but he would never. “Give me my phone, _please_ , Rachel.”

“You said no matter what, Kurt.”

“But-”

“We’ve been friends for almost fifteen years, don't you think I know you by now? Don't you think I know what that look in your eyes mean?” Rachel's eyes were piercing and saw right into the very core of him. She did know him better than anyone. “A booty call, Kurt? That's not what you want. You can call him and tell him when you're sober.”

Kurt groaned and gave up. He knew her well enough to know there was no use fighting her, not when she was more sober than he was. He hated Rachel right now. He was hard and he wanted Blaine to take care of him.

“Who's Eli?” Rachel asked then.

The question sobered Kurt, just a little bit. Enough to crush his spirit and erase his erection. He didn’t know what Eli looked like, didn’t even know what Blaine’s type was. If he had his phone he could probably find him through Blaine’s Facebook, check him out, but he doubted Rachel would give him his phone for that purpose even if it was under the pretense to explain to her who Eli was.

“He’s Blaine’s ‘friend’,” Kurt muttered using actual air quotes.

“Blaine has more friends like you? Really??” Rachel eyes were big, like the idea of Blaine sleeping around was the most unexpected and shocking thing she’d heard all week. That was kind of how Kurt felt, too.

“I don’t know. Maybe?” Kurt leaned against the nearest wall, eyes closed and head thrown back. He let out a loud, frustrated groan. “I don’t know what to do!”

Rachel forced Kurt to look at her. “Tell him.”

“No.” Kurt’s answer was firm and final.

Rachel sighed and shook her head. “I can't believe you've been sleeping with Blaine all this time and didn't tell me.”

“You can't tell anyone.” He and Blaine had after all agreed to keep it a secret. He wasn’t sure of Blaine’s reasons, but he remembered his own.

Rachel promised not to, then she disappeared with his phone which was maybe just as well. Kurt's desire to call Blaine was gone, but knowing himself he would spend half the night lurking Eli’s social media accounts.


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt’s head was heavy, his mouth was dry, and his stomach hurt. He reached out and searched his nightstand for a glass of water to quench his extreme thirst, but his hand came up empty. It seemed he didn't have the foresight to bring a glass of water with him when he stumbled into bed earlier that morning. Neither did he close his curtains. The sun was already high in the sky and filled Kurt's room with a warm, bright light. Too bright. Kurt groaned and hid under his pillow.

His head throbbed. It was like someone was banging their knuckles hard against the inside of his skull in short, rapid repetitions. It stopped momentarily and gave Kurt a few brief seconds of relief, before it picked up again. Kurt groaned and pressed the pillow harder against his ears to mitigate the pain and the noise. But it didn't stop and soon it was followed by a shrill, “Kurt, I know you’re in there. Open up!”

It took Kurt a few seconds too long to realize that the awful sound wasn’t coming from something inside his head, but rather from Rachel banging on his door. He searched the nightstand again. This time for his phone to check the time. Surely it must be too early for a visit. His hand came up empty this time too, and panic started to rise before Kurt vaguely remembered giving his phone to Rachel.

Wrapped in his cover, Kurt opened the door to let her in. The moment he did, a phone was shoved into his face.

“You have a text from Blaine!” Rachel chirped. “He wants to see you tonight, to celebrate! Celebrate what, Kurt? Have you already told him? What did he say? Is that what you're celebrating?”

Rachel was too chipper and spoke with too many words and Kurt had no idea what she's talking about.

“What are you doing here?” Kurt whimpered. “What time is it?” He retreated into his living room and slumped down on the couch, curling himself into a ball.

“It's noon, Kurt,” Rachel explained as though she was talking to a child who should know better. “You look like shit. How long did you stay out last night?”

Kurt was pretty sure the sun was about to rise when he made his way home, but he didn't tell Rachel that. Instead he shrugged, but immediately winced because of the pain that shot through his head.

If Rachel felt any pity for Kurt and his hangover, she didn’t let on. “I wanted to let you know that you have a missed text from Blaine.” She held out his phone for him to see again. This time Kurt snatched it from her and hid it under the cover. He was never giving his phone to Rachel ever again.

“You've read my texts?” he asked glaring at her. At least as much as he could without it increasing his headache.

“It buzzed and I thought maybe it was you asking me to return your phone.”

“Why would I text myself? And how?” If Kurt hadn't thought rolling his eyes at her would make him even more nauseated he would. Instead he focused on not getting frustrated.

Rachel shrugged. “I don't know. But aren't you going to answer him?”

Kurt glanced down at his phone, almost scared of reading whatever Blaine had written. He did it anyway, his curiosity was greater. _Do you have plans for tonight? Feel like celebrating?_ The text ended with a colorful drink emoji. Kurt stomach turned at the idea more alcohol.

“So?” Rachel prompted.

“Can you get me a glass of water?”

Rachel grunted disapprovingly but disappeared into the kitchen anyway, which gave Kurt time to think. There was no way he could have drinks with Blaine tonight. He felt like shit and didn’t have any desire or energy to take a single step outside of his apartment. There was no way he’d let Blaine see him like this.

A minute later Rachel returned and handed him the glass. He swallowed its cool content with greedy gulps, feeling slightly better when it was empty. Rachel took the glass from him and put it on the table, then she sat down on the couch next to him.

“Will you see him tonight?” she asked softly with genuine interest. Something had changed in her attitude during her brief visit to the kitchen and this side of her reminded Kurt of why she was still his best friend.

He shook his head and Rachel looked as though she understood.

“What is it about him that you like? I mean aside from his hot body and unbelievable skills in bed,” Rachel said mimicking his words from last night.

Kurt hadn’t really thought about what it was in Blaine that attracted him, beside the physical, but when Rachel asked it was quite easy to make a list.

“He makes me smile. When I’m with him he makes me feel like I’m the only other person in the room. Most of the time I am, but even when we actually do something outside the walls of our apartments it’s like he sees me and not through me. He has the kindest eyes, it’s like you can tell he’s one of the good guys by just looking into his eyes. I like the way he views the world, with optimism and passion. He smells really nice and he’s a great kisser.”

The last two were spoken in a rushed voice, because they felt shallow, but it didn’t mean they were any less true. Blaine always smelled nice, like raspberries and sex and a thousand new mornings. Sometimes, when Blaine had left Kurt’s apartment after a desperate text brought him there, his scent lingered in Kurt’s bed and Kurt could just lie there and smell it. Before he didn’t think of the reason why he liked to smell Blaine after he’d left, but now he knew. Sometimes Blaine’s kisses left him breathless. He used to think it was the heat of the moment, the lust and the heat pooling low in his belly, but maybe the reason was something completely different.

Rachel looked at him with something tender in her eyes. “You’ve really fallen deep, haven’t you?”

Kurt nodded. Sometimes words were superfluous.

“You have to tell him how you feel, Kurt,” Rachel repeated.

“I don’t know…” What if it ended what they had now? They’d both said they weren’t looking for anything serious, so what were the odds Blaine would want to see him again if he found out? Wasn’t what they had now better than nothing? Kurt wasn't sure he could survive nothing.

“Will you at least think about it?”

Kurt nodded, though he was pretty sure thinking about it wouldn’t bring him to a different conclusion.

“Thank you for stopping me from calling Blaine,” he said. He found Rachel incredibly irritating the night before, but today he was grateful for her meddling skills. Calling Blaine last night would have ended in disaster one way or another, of that Kurt was sure now that he was sort of sober.

“That’s what friends are for,” Rachel smiled.

She left shortly after and Kurt was left with his phone and a text from Blaine he had to answer. His heart ached to see him, but he wasn’t sure it could handle being close to him, not tonight. His head and body certainly couldn’t. The nausea was still there and the stomach ache and oh…! Kurt rushed to the bathroom and emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Gulping down a full glass of water probably wasn't the best idea.

Weakened he returned to his couch, pulled the cover up close and picked up the phone that had landed on the floor after his sudden rush. He stared at the screen for he didn’t know how long before typing out a reply.

_My plans for tonight include me, my bed and lots of water. Went out with some friends last night, not really feeling my best today. Another time?_

_Blaine’s reply came quick. _Sorry to hear, hope it’s not too bad. Why don’t you come over on Sunday and I’ll make you dinner. We can watch Netflix and chill…__

_Kurt smiled at Blaine's choice of words. He knew, of course, exactly what they meant. Maybe he should say no, he had other plans. Maybe he should wait a week or more before he saw Blaine again. It would be the smart thing to do. Let the intensity of his feelings cool down. Yet, his answer was not no._

-x-x-x-

 

“Why are you crying?”

Kurt was in Blaine's kitchen, standing close to him, watching as tears formed in the corner of his eyes. He'd never been in there, not like that, only to get some water afterwards. Now he noticed how big and bright it was, not at all what he would have expected from a Lower East Side apartment. There was a kitchen island with pots and pans hanging from a rack in the ceiling above it. It had drawers with sharp knives and wooden spoons, and cupboards with bowls and chopping boards and every item needed to prepare delicious dinners. In the window facing the street there were potted herbs and on the wooden counter by the sink a bouquet of big, purple Alliums decorated the kitchen.

“I'm not, it's a physical reaction when you-” Blaine tried to justify his tears, but Kurt only laughed and bumped his shoulder. He knew the reason, he was only teasing.

Blaine was slicing onions for their dinner and Kurt, next to him, was cutting coriander into smaller pieces. Blaine’s lips twisted into an adorable smile and Kurt’s heart fluttered with a new intensity. It was nice, being there, but Kurt's body was full of jitters. Being with Blaine was familiar, but also completely new. Every time their hands brushed against each other or their shoulders bumped, his skin felt hot and he had to control himself to not reach out and touch on purpose. His feelings were right there, just under his skin, making it impossible for him to relax completely.

“I thought you were making me dinner,” Kurt continued in his light, teasing voice, “so why am I doing all this work?” He laid the knife on the chopping board and swiped his fingers on the black and white apron Blaine had lent him to get rid of a few leaves of coriander that had stuck to them.

“Okay, _Princess_ , why don't you have a seat,” Blaine said and gestured to one of the two barstools by the end of the kitchen island, “and I'll make you dinner as promised.”

With a comment like that Kurt had no choice but to pick up the knife again. He liked it though. Liked being close to Blaine and work alongside him. He allowed himself to dream of nights just like this in his future, and of mornings next to Blaine on one of the barstools, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. Just for a few seconds before he put the dreams out of his mind. It would never be anything more than that, dreams.

Together they made a Thai chicken stir fry and talked about places they'd like to travel (Thailand being one of them). When the dinner was ready they moved into the living room and Blaine poured them each a glass of the Chardonnay Kurt had brought.

“Are you still upset about missing out on that promotion?” Kurt asked when they were sitting opposite each other at the designer wooden dining table for four.

“A little bit,” Blaine admitted. “I was feeling kind of low yesterday, but then I thought about what you said, that I was in the running, and that's pretty great, too.”

“It's their loss, you know. I'm sure you would have done a million times better job than that Hunter Clarion."

"Clarington," Blaine corrected with a low chuckle. "And I'm sure I wouldn't. If I'm honest, I knew he would get it but I was still hoping." He looked a bit crestfallen as he confessed.

"Well, in my book you win over Mr. Clarion any day." The smile twitching at the corner of Blaine's mouth at Kurt's new name to his competition had Kurt feeling all fuzzy inside. He didn't like to see Blaine sad, and he would do pretty much anything to make him smile.

"To you,” Kurt said and raised his glass. Blaine's face lit up as he brought his glass to clink Kurt's, and Blaine was so gorgeous it made Kurt's knees week and his face hot.

Kurt focused on the food in front of him, hoping it would get the blush to disappear. When the first fork of food connected with his tongue, Kurt couldn't help the moan escaping his lips. “Oh my God! This is… wow, this is so good, Blaine! I didn't know you were such a master chef.”

“You helped, too,” Blaine said and though he was being modest, Kurt noticed the proud little smile twitching at the corner of his lips. A smile that turned mischievous as Kurt was watching. “But if I'd known it would make you make that sound, I'd invited you over to dinner sooner.”

“You now know all the ways to make me moan,” Kurt said biting his lip, not meaning for the conversation to turn sexual but at the same time, he was unable to hold back his response.

Blaine chuckled softly, and was that a blush to his cheeks? Kurt took a sip of his wine and when he sat down his glass and looked at Blaine again, there was no sign of it anymore and maybe Kurt imagined it all.

“Is that so?” Blaine said like it was a challenge. He held Kurt's eyes and Kurt held his breath, mesmerized by the intensity in Blaine's eyes. “Good to know. It is a beautiful sound after all.” Blaine looked away, down at his food and Kurt exhaled.

“Well, when you make me food like this or make me feel like _that_ , can you really blame me for sounding like I just did?”

“I'm not blaming you for anything,” Blaine said, his foot accidentally brushing against Kurt's shin under the table. The contact caused Kurt’s cock to twitch, and he quickly tucked his feet under his chair. Kurt’s whole body was on the edge, reacting to everything Blaine said and did, trying to read between the lines.

“But now I'm trying to figure out more ways to elicit that sound from you,” Blaine continued, tilting his head as though he was actually thinking of other ways.

It felt too much like flirting. It was dangerous, the way they looked at each other, the way Kurt’s belly swooped at the sound of Blaine's sweet, bubbly laughter and the way his heart pounded in his chest when Blaine blushed at his comments. He had to stop or he'd fool himself into believing it actually was.

“Sorry, those are the only ways,” Kurt said with a voice that came out more clipped than he meant it to. Blaine's eyes on him were curious and Kurt cleared his throat and took another forkful of food. He needed to change the subject. “So, what have you been up to today?”

Blaine told Kurt about his day and from there they continued with less flirtatious topics and Kurt was almost able to relax. Almost. Because now there were feelings that refused to be ignored. Kurt wanted to ask about Eli, about what Blaine found attractive in a guy, but he didn't want to be too obvious. It scared him that Blaine would figure him out and there would be this awkward atmosphere between them. It was the last thing he wanted.

When the plates were empty, Blaine carried them to the kitchen, instructing Kurt to select a movie. Blaine refilled their glasses when he returned and brought them to the couch. He handed one to Kurt and sat the other down on the table, proceeding to light some candles before sitting down.

Kurt occupied one end of the couch, leaning against a throw pillow that was propped against the armrest. Blaine didn't sit down by the other end, instead he sat down next to Kurt. Not so close their bodies were touching, but close enough for Kurt to feel the heat from his body.

When Blaine pressed play on the movie, an almost panicky feeling crept over Kurt. The whole situation felt too much like something Kurt knew in his mind it wasn’t. Dinner and a movie. And then sex, because there was no doubt in Kurt's mind that was how the night would end. This was the first time they spent time like this. Usually it was sex first and then, when they've gotten their desperate need for release out of the way, they could hang out like friends. They always went out though, to a bar for a drink or a neighborhood restaurant for something to eat. They never stayed in either of their apartments.

But it wasn't a date, even if Blaine was sitting so close Kurt's skin tingled. They were still just two friends who fucked each other occasionally. Just because Blaine had made him dinner tonight, it didn't change anything, no matter how much Kurt wished it did. And it was that, that had him sitting on needles throughout the movie. That made him jump every time Blaine lent forward to pick up his glass.

When, by the time the credits started to roll, Blaine's fingers slid through Kurt's, feather light and gentle, Kurt’s breath caught and his stomach swooped and clenched. Would it be different to have sex with Blaine now when there were feelings involved? Would he be different? Would it be making love? Was he about to make love to Blaine? It was with that last thought that Kurt knew Rachel was right.

Kurt untangled his fingers from Blaine, stretched his arms above his head and yawned loudly. “I'm kind of beaten,” he said. “I think I'm gonna head home. I have an early meeting tomorrow.”

He didn't, but he couldn't _tell_ Blaine. He wasn’t ready. His feelings were still too fresh, he wasn’t entirely used to them himself, and the risk of having all of this swept away was too scary.

The disappointment in Blaine's eyes was unmistakable. He wanted to take Kurt to his bedroom, it was what they did, and now Kurt was bailing on their unspoken promise for the night. They should just have stuck to their normal routine and started out in the bedroom and maybe Kurt would have gotten over himself. Now he'd likely never have sex with Blaine again. How could he?

“Yes, of course,” Blaine said brightly, doing his best to hide the disappointment Kurt knew was there. “I'm actually quite tired, too. I kind of forgot it's Monday tomorrow.”

Blaine doing his best to not make the moment awkward, had Kurt falling even deeper. It was so unfair that Blaine was so perfect when Kurt was such a mess.

“I'll see you around the office,” Kurt said before he awkwardly leaned in to give Blaine a hug. He inhaled the scent of Blaine through his nostrils, not sure when he'd be this close to Blaine again. It felt like much more than merely goodbye for the night.


	3. Chapter 3

In the weeks that followed, Kurt didn't see or hear from Blaine even though he came and left the office at his normal hours, took the elevator and did nothing to actively avoid Blaine. Kurt was beginning to believe Blaine was avoiding him instead. Sure, it had gone several weeks between desperate words put down into texts before, but he usually ran into Blaine in the office building once or twice a week.

Kurt buried himself in work, spent his evenings with Rachel and their friends, and even took a trip to Cape Cod with them during Memorial weekend. Rachel knew of course. He told her about his Sunday night with Blaine, and though she still thought he should tell him, she didn't push him about it. She knew he needed to be distracted and time to figure out how to move forward. Rachel could be great like that sometimes, knowing exactly what he needed without Kurt having to breathe a word.

Kurt's feelings didn't become less intense with time, no matter how many distractions he got himself. He was still falling uncontrollably for Blaine and he still didn't know what to do about it. One late Friday afternoon in early June, Kurt took the subway north from his office to Central Park. Lately his life had been crowded, by his own choice of course, and he felt the need to be alone. It was a beautiful evening and he didn't want to go home where images of Blaine kept hunting him, or worse, images of Blaine together with Eli. Even though he had decided not to check up on Eli through his Facebook page (because he didn't need for his already unpleasant fantasies to become any more vivid), he still couldn't stop imagining them together.

This Friday Kurt felt a need to be a part of the city, breathe in the atmosphere, get some greasy street food and sit down on a bench and eat while people watching and clearing his head. The park was always full of people, New Yorkers and tourists alike, especially on beautiful days like this one. Kurt strolled along paths, over bridges and across large fields of grass. People enjoying the last sunshine of the early summer night surrounded him, but he still felt lonely. There was something not right in his life. He knew what it was, or _who_ it was, that was missing, but there was nothing he could do about it.

Why did he have to fall for Blaine? They had a great arrangement. Something that worked perfectly for the both of them. Why did he have to mess it up by falling for him? Blaine’s silence didn’t help much. It was normal for there to be weeks or months between Blaine’s texts, but now the silence felt unnatural and like it meant something.

Kurt sighed as he thought about Blaine. Perhaps it would be better if he just forgot about him, put him out of his head and found a new hobby to occupy his time with. Kurt wandered aimlessly until shadows grew longer and the sun began to set behind towering skyscrapers and tall trees.

“Kurt! Hey, Kurt!”

Kurt turned around and spotted Blaine at a distance, waving his arms to get Kurt's attention. When he saw that he had, he started to jog across the lawn in his royal blue suit. He had to zigzag around people on blankets having picnics to get to Kurt, his suit jacket swaying by his sides.

“Hi,” Blaine said a little out of breath when he arrived and wrapped Kurt up in a hug. A hug so tight and friendly it didn't feel like Blaine had been avoiding him for weeks.

“Hey Blaine, how are you?” Kurt said casually as though his heart wasn't beating a hundred miles per hour.

“Great! What are you doing here? Are you alone?”

“Yeah, I felt like taking a walk after work, clear my head after a hectic week," Kurt answered. It wasn't a complete lie. His week had been hectic, but that wasn't why he was there. "You?”

“I'm here with Eli, come let me introduce you.”

Blaine's words gave Kurt vertigo. Blaine wanted him to meet his other ‘friend’. Kurt couldn't think of anything he wanted less. He hesitated, tried to come up with an acceptable excuse, but Blaine tugged at his hand and urged him to come. Blaine's sun warm fingers on his skin, soft and firm at the same time, made it impossible for Kurt to do anything but follow him.

He had no idea why Blaine wanted him to meet Eli or what he'd say to him. What could he possibly have to say to Eli? It was like none of it mattered though when Blaine was holding his hand and there was a flutter to Kurt's heart. Blaine shortly let go and soon Kurt was just following him. He knew then he wasn’t getting over Blaine anytime soon, no matter how many hobbies he’d get.

Blaine kept talking, he was relaxed and happy, and Kurt barely caught a word of what he was saying. Then they were by the blanket Blaine and Eli had been sitting on. Eli stood when they approached and Blaine did the introduction. When Eli held out his hand for Kurt to shake, Kurt took it in his even though he didn't want to, but he didn't want to seem arrogant either.

“It's so great to finally meet you,” Eli said all white smile and intense blue eyes.

“You too,” Kurt lied. Eli was hot. He looked like a guy straight out of a jeans commercial. Kurt could practically see the abs under his white t-shirt, and Kurt wondered why Blaine spent time with him when he could spend all of his time with Eli. Kurt’s stomach twisted at the thought of Blaine and Eli together. It wasn’t like he hadn't imagined the two of them together before, but now he had a face, an attractive face moreover, to add to his fantasies and it didn't exactly make the images less real.

Again he wondered why Blaine was so keen on him and Eli meeting each other because if Blaine wanted the three of them to… Kurt wasn’t sure he could do that. He couldn't even finish the thought in his head.

“Sorry, but I have to leave you guys now,” Eli said. Kurt had probably had a nice conversation with him and Blaine for the past minute or two but he couldn't remember a word of it. “And I have to take the blanket with me. It's Dylan's favorite and he'd kill me if I lost it.”

Blaine chuckled knowingly before hugging Eli goodbye. Eli shook Kurt's hand again, again telling him it was nice meeting him, before exchanging a look with Blaine that Kurt didn’t understand. Then he disappeared in the crowd of people.

“Who's Dylan?” Kurt found himself asking, confused and still looking at Eli's back.

“Eli's boyfriend,” Blaine answered. “They've been together since college and I've never known two people more right together, even if Eli is always scared of losing Dylan's stuff,” Blaine added laughing. “But then again he did lose his watch and his phone at one point, so I'm pretty sure Dylan reminds him of that everytime he leaves home with something of Dylan's.”

Eli had a boyfriend. Kurt's feeling of vertigo returned because maybe he'd just made up stories in his head. Maybe Blaine wasn’t sleeping with Eli. Maybe he wasn't sleeping with anyone else at all.

“Do you want to get something to eat?” Blaine asked, shoving one hand in his pocket while holding his suit jacket across his shoulder with the other. Blaine looked suave, Kurt noticed then. His pants and shirt cut slim, skimming the lines of his body, accentuating rather than disguising. Kurt had to keep himself from staring.

He realized he hadn't had any of the greasy street food he wanted to get, his feet and thoughts had carried him elsewhere. “Yeah, that sounds great, I'm actually quite hungry.”

“Great!” Blaine's face lit up and Kurt's insides melted, just a little.

They strolled together, side by side, crossing the park and came out on the Upper East Side. Blaine found them a nice little restaurant a few blocks away that wasn't too crowded with tourists. They sat outside, the air still nice and warm even though the sun had set, ordered food and wine, and Kurt did his best to relax and tell himself that it wasn’t a big deal that he was sitting across from Blaine, the man he was head over heels with. The man who wasn’t sleeping with Eli.

Their food and drinks were brought to them by a chatty guy their age who stopped to talk about the amazing weather the city had had lately, how great it was to be able to sit outside and eat before he moved on to discuss the latest Mets game with Blaine. Kurt didn't follow their terminology at all, they might as well have spoken an intricate version of ancient Greece, but he listened intently, loving Blaine’s enthusiasm and how excited he got discussing the details of the game.

The guy excused himself with an apologetic smile toward Kurt, realizing he had been interrupting their dinner. Kurt realized something else.

“He was totally flirting with you,” Kurt said, just to gauge Blaine’s reaction.

“What?” Blaine scrunched his nose in that adorable way only he could, and Kurt was relieved Blaine hadn't notice.

"He was flirting with you. How could you not notice?" Kurt chuckled because Blaine looked utterly confused and seemed completely unaware of the flirting that just happened.

Then Blaine smiled back at Kurt. “I guess I only have eyes for you,” he said and winked, and Kurt almost choked on his wine.

Kurt could only guess the shade of red that tinged his cheeks, but Blaine chatted on as if nothing had happened though Kurt was sure he must have noticed. They began to eat and continued to talk. Conversation was light and teasing, borderline flirty, but Kurt knew to stay on the right side of the line. As the night progressed, Kurt understood just how much he'd missed Blaine those past weeks - their talks, the way Blaine made him feel like he was the only one he wanted to spend his time with, but also the physical aspect of their friendship. He hadn't been with anyone since that lunch in May, he hadn't even touched himself, and it was beginning to become obvious.

Knowing that Blaine wasn’t sleeping with Eli made him want to take Blaine to his apartment and worship him. He wanted Blaine to want him, to beg him for more and then to give him everything he was begging for. He wanted to make Blaine trash with desire, call his name when he came and then hold him when he came down. It would be beautiful and it would be goddamn perfect.

But.

But just because Blaine wasn’t sleeping with anyone else didn’t mean he was Kurt’s to take. They still had their arrangement and Blaine still wasn’t interested in a relationship. There was also Rachel's nagging voice that he couldn’t get out of his head, telling him to tell Blaine. He'd never regretted breaking a promise more than breaking the one he made with Blaine to not tell anyone about their arrangement. The worst part was that he knew she was right. Kurt hated when Rachel was right.

“Tonight's been really nice,” Blaine said when they'd finished their dinner, emptied their glasses and Kurt had agreed to (with great protests) let Blaine pay the check. Out on the sidewalk, they walked in the direction of what Kurt assumed was the nearest subway station. “I was hoping it wouldn't end yet,” Blaine continued. “Do you want to come home with me?”

Blaine was straight to the point. That was how they'd always been. They had never played games or pretended this thing between them was anything but bros helping bros (except that Sunday Blaine invited him over for dinner, Kurt wasn’t sure what that was). It was a beautiful, warm night and Kurt didn't want it to be over yet. But now he didn't have a choice.

“I don't think I can,” Kurt said choosing his words carefully. “I don't think it's a good idea that we see each other like that anymore.”

“Okay… Did something happen?”

The discouraged and crestfallen look on Blaine's face broke Kurt's heart. He didn't like that he was the one who put it there or knowing that Blaine must think he'd lost interest in him. It was the furthest thing from the truth and Kurt couldn’t let Blaine believe it was something he'd done. They would never have sex again, it was over, and he might as well be honest and tell Blaine the truth. If he was ending their arrangement, he felt he owed Blaine the truth.

“Can we sit down somewhere and talk?” Kurt asked.

“Yes, of course,” Blaine said. His face had turned worried as he pointed out a direction to Kurt.

They walked in silence back towards Central Park and on the steps of the Met they sat down. Kurt stared at one of the two illuminated granite fountains that bracketed the stairs, and fidgeted with his tie. Just because he had decided to tell Blaine the truth didn't mean he found it easy. He'd never been good at these things and his heart was now beating staccato in his chest. Kurt inhaled slowly and when he let out his breath again he began to talk.

“I've fallen for you, Blaine,” he said, willing his heart to slow down and for himself to not rush his words. For some reason telling Blaine those words felt more nerve-racking than telling his dad he was gay. Maybe because he suspected his dad already knew.

"And I realize this means we can't continue to see each other like this,” Kurt continued.

“Why not?” Blaine's voice sounded friendly but like Kurt's words didn't make sense and Kurt hated that he had to explain. He wished Blaine would just understand and accept.

“Because, the thing that we have, it's casual. No strings, that's what we agreed, but for me it wouldn't be that anymore.”

Blaine looked at him, but Kurt didn't understand what the look in his eyes meant. Then he spoke. “I knew you were clueless, Kurt, but I didn't think you were _this_ clueless.”

Kurt sure felt clueless at this point, he must look it too because beside him Blaine chuckled softly. Then he scooched closer and slid his fingers through Kurt's. Kurt could barely breathe.

“I've fallen for you, too, Kurt.”

Kurt's head snapped up in Blaine's direction. “You have?” His heart was still beating staccato, but for different reasons now.

“Yes!” It might be midnight and it might be dark on the part of the steps where they were sitting, but Blaine's eyes shone brighter than the stars.

“B-but… how?”

“How?” Blaine chuckled again. “Have you met you? You're an amazing person, Kurt. How could I not fall for you?”

Kurt didn't know what to say to that. Of all the words he expected Blaine to say to him if he followed Rachel's advice, those were not included. They weren't even a possibility. Blaine didn’t want a relationship, he told Kurt that first morning. His pulse fluttered under his skin and Kurt found it hard to take in.

“I kind of knew you were feeling something for me, too,” Blaine continued, “and I've been waiting for you to tell me.”

“You knew?”

“I noticed something had changed in you the last time we were together. You asked me to come back to bed. You never do that. You're usually already dressed when I come back from the shower. It threw me, but I didn't want to get my hopes up so I pretended it was nothing. But then at lunch, the way you looked at me then. I knew.”

“Why didn't you say something?” Kurt wasn’t accusing Blaine, that wasn’t it, he was just trying to understand.

“Because I know you, Kurt, and I know you had to figure this out in your on time. I was scared if I'd said something too soon, or if I tried to force it, you’d deny it or it would make you decide it wasn't what you wanted after all.” Blaine hesitated for a second, worrying his lips between his teeth. “Do you want this?”

How could Blaine even ask? Wasn't it obvious?

“You said from the beginning you didn't want a relationship…” Blaine continued.

“Yes! I want this. I want you. I have fallen for you, Blaine. Hard.” It was freeing to say the words out loud and Kurt’s heart felt lighter than it had in weeks.

Kurt watched as a smile slowly spread across Blaine’s lips and he felt himself mimicking it. Then suddenly Blaine leant in, his lips brushed so light, so tender against Kurt's. Kurt inhaled sharply, his blood seemed to roar in his ears making his senses spin. His hands cupped Blaine's cheeks, held him like he was afraid he was a mirage, and he pressed his lips firmer against Blaine's. Kurt felt a slight tremble to Blaine's hands as they gripped his arms and he made a pleased, muffled sound against Blaine's lips.

It wasn’t the first time Kurt kissed Blaine, but it might as well have been. They had never kissed like that, like the kiss was precious and holy, and he wished it was their first kiss. He couldn't remember their actual first, how it felt and how Blaine tasted, he was too drunk to notice those things then. This one he'd remember forever. The tenderness of Blaine's lips, the lingering notes of wine on his tongue and, most intensely, the way it just felt like they fit.

When Blaine slowly started to pull away both he and Kurt were breathing out in short, shallow breaths. Kurt’s eyes flicked up to meet Blaine's and it was first when they connected that Kurt realized how fast his heart was beating. Neither looked away, instead they leant in again, fast and hard and like they couldn't stop.

Eventually they did. Blaine erased any distance between them, leaning his head on Kurt's shoulder. Kurt laced his fingers with Blaine's and rested their hands in his lap.

“You had me worried, you know,” Blaine said with a sweet and tender tone to his voice. “I was beginning to believe you'd never say anything. That you'd let this thing between us fizzle out into nothing.”

“I was scared if I told you the truth, you wouldn't want to see me again.”

Blaine lifted his head and held Kurt's gaze when he spoke. “That could never happen.”

 

Blaine stroked his thumb across Kurt's knuckles. His smile was so beautiful and when he bit down on his lip to stop himself from grinning, Kurt began to believe.

“I thought you'd say something when I invited you over for dinner. It was the reason I invited you,” Blaine admitted, looking bashful for his motive, “and I was kind of disappointed when you didn't. But I decided if you needed more time, I would give it to you. I just didn't think you'd take this long.” Blaine elbowed him teasingly in his side and Kurt felt stupid for not understanding. But how could he have?

“I thought you were disappointed because I left without us having sex,” Kurt admitted a bit shameful.

“Well, there was that, too,” Blaine smiled and rested his head on Kurt's shoulder again.

Kurt couldn't believe this was real, couldn't believe he was this lucky. He and Blaine. Together. Well, they hadn't defined what they were yet, but it was the beginning of something. Something he hoped would last a long time. But when did it begin for Blaine?

“When did you fall for me?” Kurt asked.

“The first time I met you.”

It wasn’t the answer Kurt was expecting. “Really?” Blaine nodded against his shoulder. “Why haven't _you_ said anything?”

“I was going to, so many times, but at first I didn't know you and I thought it would pass. Then we ended up in bed together and I knew it wouldn't. I thought it was obvious to you then how I felt, but when you told me you weren't interested in a relationship, I had to protect my heart by telling you I wasn't either.”

“Blaine… I… ” Kurt stuttered, feeling so, so stupid.

“It's okay, Kurt, please don't feel bad about it.” Blaine tilted his head up to kiss Kurt's cheek. “I thought we'd go back to saying hello in the corridors, and I convinced myself it was okay. But then we ended up in bed again and again, and I should probably have said something, but I couldn't make myself. I got a part of you and to me it was better than nothing. Then, well… sex with you is kind of addictive.”

Kurt chuckled. He knew. Sex with Blaine was too, though he'd never let himself get too addicted. He'd always kept a certain distance. Now he didn't have to anymore. He tilted Blaine's chin up and kissed him again, soft and slow, as if he had the whole night to kiss him. Kurt could happily spend the rest of the night kissing Blaine on the steps of the Met.

Blaine had other plans though. “Do you want to come home with me?” he asked for the second time that night. This time there was no hesitation in Kurt's answer.


	4. Chapter 4

There was urgency in their steps and in the way Blaine hailed a cab, but it was a different kind of urgency than Kurt usually felt when he was about to find himself in Blaine’s bed. Sex with Blaine had always been a means to an end, a chase for release, but tonight it was something else. Tonight he wanted to hurry back to Blaine’s so he could take his time with him and give him everything he had deserved but hadn’t gotten the past year.

Blaine held Kurt’s hand tight throughout the cab ride and the walk up his stairs, their fingers laced together in an unbreakable bond. He didn't let go when they undressed, except for when it was absolutely necessary. It was like he was scared Kurt would slip away from him if he let go. Kurt wasn’t going anywhere, not tonight. Not anytime soon. Maybe not ever.

Kurt stretched out beneath Blaine and pulled him on top of him on the bed. The sheets were cool against his back and Blaine was warm against the rest of him. Blaine’s erection was hard and obvious against his hip, and Kurt gasped at the drag of it between them. He found Blaine’s lips and desperately pressed his mouth to Blaine's to not make sounds that would wake the neighbors. Blaine greedily kissed back, dipped his tongue deep into Kurt’s mouth and Kurt spread his leg almost unconsciously. Blaine slid between his legs and pressed close, so close.

Kurt’s fingertips dug into Blaine’s back. He needed something to hold on to or he’d drown in the feeling raising from his chest. He'd never wanted anyone the way he wanted Blaine tonight and he needed Blaine to guide him through it, show him all the ways it was possible to be together. Kurt had forgotten what it was like to make love to someone. How different it felt when you were emotionally connected. The thrill in his gut, the fire under his skin, the rush of blood… And they hadn't even started yet.

Blaine's lips traveled down his chest, mapping every line and curve of his body. Kurt shivered when Blaine's tongue licked and tickled his skin, so expertly, like he had memorized every spot that made Kurt squirm. Maybe he had. After what Blaine had told him tonight Kurt wouldn't be surprised if he had. Kurt felt ashamed for not knowing these things about Blaine, for not caring enough to remember. But then Blaine's lips travelled lower and there was no coherent thought left in Kurt's head.

Kurt moaned, high and needy, when Blaine's lips closed around the tip of his cock. It wasn’t like anything Kurt had ever felt before. They normally didn't do that, didn’t take the time to taste each other in that way. There was too much rush and too much urgency for there to be time to savor such things, but not tonight. Kurt loved feeling Blaine's warm mouth all around his cock, feeling him move up and down his length, hollowing his cheeks for closer contact.

“ _Fuck, Blaine…”_ Kurt's words were a hoarse whisper as he clutched the sheet, doing his best to lay still and not fuck into Blaine's mouth.

Blaine breathed heavily when he pulled off and came back up to kiss Kurt. His hand took the place of his mouth and stroked him gently but firmly. Kurt mimicked Blaine's motion, wanting to touch Blaine just as much as he wanted Blaine to touch him. Blaine's cock was hard and heavy in his hand and Kurt loved the feel of it. He also loved the needy, wanton sounds coming out of Blaine's mouth.

“I want you.” Blaine mumbled the words close to Kurt's lips between kisses, but Kurt could still detect the pressing need in his voice. “Can I?” His fingers slid down Kurt's balls and brushed over his hole.

Kurt’s breath hitched as Blaine’s fingers smoothed over the sensitive skin. “Yes. _Please._ ”

His whole body was throbbing with urgency and he was suddenly desperate to feel Blaine inside him. Blaine reached out and fumbled with his bedside drawer before finding lube and a condom. He began to lean away, but Kurt grabbed his arm.

“Make it last,” he begged even though he knew it would be close to impossible to control his body once Blaine started.

Blaine's eyes turned impossibly darker and he pressed one final kiss to Kurt's lips before he sat back. He pushed Kurt’s legs further to the side, exposing his hole. Kurt held his breath when Blaine slicked his fingers, watching every second of it as if he'd never before seen Blaine prepare his fingers for him. He actually wasn't sure he had cared enough to watch but now he couldn't take his eyes away. Blaine looked up at Kurt for a brief second, making sure he was ready, before flicking his eyes down to Kurt's ass. He circled his fingers slowly around his hole before gently pushing in.

Kurt moaned loud and shamelessly as Blaine’s long fingers fucked deep into him, and then deeper. Searching and finding. The pleasure of it burned deep in Kurt’s belly and spread out through his body. Blaine's fingers pulled out and pushed in agonizingly slow, and Kurt loved it. He begged for more without wanting Blaine to give him more than his fingers right now. He writhed under Blaine's touch, he was sure he'd never felt anything like this.

“Blaine,” he moaned, finally, when it was becoming too much, when Blaine's fingers brushing over his prostate one more time would make him burst. “ _Please_.” He didn't know what else to say, he couldn't think beyond the waves of pleasure rolling through him.

The loss when Blaine pulled back his fingers was heavy and Kurt had to bite his lip. He knew it wouldn’t be for long, that it was only temporary. Their eyes met and Kurt was struck by the dazed and wanting look in Blaine’s eyes. Blaine looked utterly gorgeous. There wasn’t one part of him Kurt wished was different. When Blaine fumbled with the condom, Kurt reached out and took it from him. He'd never cared about this part either, Blaine putting on a condom. Now he wanted to know about every aspect of being with Blaine. Kurt sat up and with a slight tremble to his fingers he slowly rolled it down Blaine’s length. Blaine was completely still, mesmerized, his breathing uneven as he watched.

When the condom was rolled all the way down, Blaine took Kurt’s face in his hands and kissed him with so much heat and intensity Kurt felt it in his soul. He laid Kurt back down on the bed, kissing him all the way, and then reached down between their legs. Kurt was so very ready for what was to come. And then Blaine was there, pushing against Kurt’s slickened and stretched hole and slipping inside.

Kurt moaned as Blaine pushed further, feeling every inch of him until he couldn’t go any further. Blaine paused when he was all the way inside, found Kurt’s eyes and took a deep, shivering breath. He laced his fingers with Kurt’s and held his hands above his head, then he started to move in shallow thrusts that became deeper as he fucked into Kurt.

Kurt clutched to Blaine’s hands, held on tight as his body adjusted to Blaine’s cock. He could feel every thrust, every twist of Blaine’s hips as he filled him. Blaine was big and stretched his hole more than any man Kurt had ever been with. At first it had scared Kurt, now he loved feeling full.

Blaine’s thrusts were deep and his pace slow. There was no urgency tonight, no appointments to be kept or places to be other than right there, in Blaine's bed. When Blaine leant down to kiss Kurt, his legs were caught in an odd angle but he couldn’t care less because Blaine was right there breathing in his air, fucking so sweetly into him. The drag of Blaine’s stomach against his cock with every thrust sent sparks of pleasure through Kurt’s body and had heat pooling low and ache in his hips. He had told Blaine to make it last but Kurt didn’t think he could hold back much longer.

Then Blaine let go of Kurt’s hand and reached down between their bodies. A throaty groan escaped Kurt’s lips when Blaine took hold of his cock and started to stroke it in synch with his thrusts. It was slow and delicious but everything was so sensitive down there and Kurt could hear his own needy little gasps. Blaine's thrusts came faster, his breathing more strained and ragged with every push into Kurt, as if the sounds Kurt made, made it impossible for Blaine to keep control.

Every thrust was deeper, and with every push Blaine fucked up against Kurt’s prostate. Kurt didn’t care about the sounds he made anymore, he couldn’t control them anyway and when Blaine fucked him like this with his fist expertly pumping his cock his moans came from a place deep within he didn’t know existed.

“You’re so beautiful, Kurt,” Blaine whispered softly close to his ear. “Let go. I want you to.”

When Kurt came, Blaine’s name was on his lips like a gentle whisper and a cry at the top of his lungs, he couldn’t tell which. His back arched off the bed, his nails dug into Blaine’s back and the world narrowed to the heavy drag of Blaine inside of him as Kurt spilt, white and warm on Blaine’s hand and his own belly. It felt like it went on forever, waves and waves of pleasure that wracked through him, making his cock twitch in Blaine’s hand and his ass clench down around Blaine still thrusting inside him.

“Kurt,” Blaine mumbled, his thrusts were becoming uneven and Kurt could tell Blaine was close. He wanted Blaine to come, to feel the intense, beautiful pleasure of orgasm, and he purposefully clenched around his cock. Blaine’s hips stuttered, his body tensing, and Kurt could feel him throbbing and come buried deep inside him.

With a long exhale, Blaine fell down on top of him. Kurt wrapped his arms around him and held him close, soothing him as he came back to this world. Kurt still felt the last lingering notes of his own orgasm ebbing away. He wanted to cling to them, have Blaine thrust and pump forever, keep them both in this timeless space where nothing else existed. He could without a doubt say he’d never experienced anything like this night with Blaine. The intense pleasure, the connection, the desire that only existed between two people falling in love. All of it. It had never been like this.

Kurt never expected to feel this way with Blaine. He never expected it with anyone if he was honest. The few relationships he'd been in had left him scarred and it was part of the reason he'd stayed away from them for so long. Maybe Blaine would leave another scar, but Kurt couldn't stay away if he tried. The way Blaine made his whole body feel alive tonight, nobody had ever done that. Nobody had whispered so softly, so intensely into his ear when he came. Kurt trusted Blaine with his heart because of it.

Almost soundlessly, Blaine slid out of him and discarded the condom before pressing his body close to Kurt’s side. Kurt liked this. Liked having Blaine close, pressing small kisses against his neck. He liked feeling Blaine close to him, skin against skin. He wanted to explain to Blaine what tonight meant to him but he didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t that he was shy, it was just… what did you say when words were not enough? When there were no words to describe how you felt, at least not in a way that made sense.

The room was dark and hot, and the smell of sex was heavy in the air. Kurt felt sweat beading on his forehead and the evidence of his release was sticky between them.

“Shower?” Blaine asked after a while. There was a trace of hesitation in his voice, like he was scared Kurt would take back his words and leave him alone in his bed. Kurt didn’t like it.

“Yes.” Kurt pressed a light kiss to the top of Blaine’s head and trailed his fingertips feather light down his arm, causing him to shiver. He wanted to erase any doubt Blaine might feel. “That sounds perfect.”

Blaine uncurled from his side and stepped out of bed. He reached out his hand and Kurt slid his fingers through Blaine's and joined him. The shower was exploring hands and wanting lips. His fingers skimmed over Blaine’s well defined muscles that stretched on forever, his v-line so accentuated it was ridiculous. Kurt wanted to map every part of Blaine's body and he couldn't stop touching. When they turned off the water they both had prune like fingertips and semi hard erections. Kurt couldn't come again even if he wanted to – he wasn’t eighteen anymore - but he had no control of his body when Blaine was standing naked next to him.

Blaine took Kurt’s hand and led him back to bed. “Please stay,” he whispered, his eyes a delicate shade of hazel and so hopeful that Kurt fell a little bit deeper and all he could do was nod.

Kurt was surprised to find they didn't make a mess on the sheets, but relieved they didn't have to spend time changing them. He was tired and now they could just slip under and be close. Kurt had slept in Blaine's bed before, but this time was the first time by choice. He liked the bed he realized, but that might just be because it was Blaine's.

Blaine curled in close next to him, rested his head on Kurt's chest and laced one hand with Kurt's on his belly. The room was silent except for the sound of Kurt's thumb rubbing gentle circles on Blaine’s shoulder and the faint sound of cars and busses on the street below, reaching all the way up to the fourth floor. A cool breeze blew gently through the room from the open window and it was heavenly against Kurt's heated skin.

He thought back on how the night started, the many mixed emotions he felt at seeing Blaine again and everything that happened leading them to end up like this. It was almost too good to be true, but Blaine was there and he wanted Kurt and it was real. Though his mind thought differently when he met Blaine a few hours ago.

“I used to think you were sleeping with Eli,” Kurt found himself confessing.

“I know.” Blaine’s voice was relaxed and tired. His thumb stroked across Kurt’s knuckles in slow, soothing motions.

“You do?” Kurt could hear the surprise in his own voice, he felt it in his chest, too.

“The way you asked about him after I noticed that something had changed in you, I figured that’s what you were thinking.”

“Why were you so vague about him when I asked you?”

Blaine hesitated, his fingers stopped stroking Kurt's knuckles for a moment. When he spoke there was embarrassment in his words. “I thought if you thought I was seeing him you’d get jealous and, I don’t know, make a move on me. It was stupid and very high school and I regretted it instantly.”

“I was jealous,” Kurt admitted, not blaming Blaine for what he'd done. “When I realized I was falling for you, I also realized I didn't know all that much about you and I just assumed the worst. I thought that was the reason you didn’t text me as often as I texted you.”

Blaine pressed a gentle kiss to Kurt’s chest. “No that was to protect myself. If I’d let myself start initiating things with you, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to not text you all the time. But sometimes I just ached for you and I couldn’t stop myself.” There was something sad and aching in Blaine’s voice and it broke Kurt.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, pressing his fingers tighter to Blaine’s. He felt responsible for not realizing sooner and sparing Blaine a year or more of heartache.

“Don’t be,” Blaine said back. “We’re here now. It’s all that matters.”

They stayed silent for a while, but there was a question burning in Kurt’s mind. One he probably shouldn't ask, but couldn't keep himself from doing anyway. “Have you ever? Slept with Eli?” He didn't know why he was asking, Blaine's past partners shouldn't matter, but maybe they did.

“Once, in college,” Blaine admitted, “but we were totally not compatible and we decided to stay friends instead. Does it bother you?”

Kurt thought about it, thought about all the men Blaine had been with before him, and though it wasn’t something he liked to imagine, everybody came with a past, Kurt did too, and everything in Blaine's past had shaped him into the person he was today. Kurt was quite smitten with that person.

“No. It doesn't.”

“Good, because I only want you, Kurt. I’ve only wanted you for a very long time.”

Blaine turned his head to look at him, and Kurt was met with the softest smile. Blaine was so devastatingly beautiful in Kurt's arms, Kurt couldn't believe he hadn't fallen for him sooner. He missed out on a year of cuddles and sleeping next to Blaine, of kisses that were just for the sake of kissing and fingers lacing, fitting perfectly together. He also couldn’t believe Blaine had been waiting for him all this time, giving him time to figure himself out. But most of all he couldn’t believe he waited almost a month to tell Blaine how he felt.

“And I only want you,” Kurt whispered back, his voice suddenly vulnerable. The kiss that followed was as soft as Blaine’s smile, just tongues lazily rolling around each other, but it completely took Kurt’s breath away.

“I told him about you,” Blaine said when they pulled away. “I know we were supposed to keep this thing between us a secret, but I had to tell someone because I was kind of going crazy there for a while.”

“I told Rachel about us,” Kurt confessed. “She’s the one who convinced me to tell you how I feel.”

“When I saw you tonight in Central Park, Eli wanted to meet you and he forced me to run after you even though I had decided to give you space. He’s been pushing me to tell you, too, especially after I told him I noticed the change in you.”

“We would have been kind of lost without our friends, wouldn’t we?” Kurt chuckled.

“But not anymore, right?” Blaine's face was a mix of hope and worry.

“No. Now we’re finally where we’re supposed to be. No more secrets and no more games.”

Blaine's face turned tender and he kissed Kurt before he nuzzled in closer to him, and yes, Kurt was definitely right where he belonged. He was also so very tired, his body relaxed and spent, and his heart so much lighter than when the night started. He couldn't keep his eyes open, no matter how much he wanted to stay with Blaine in this moment and talk and really get to know him. No matter how much he wanted to spend the rest of the night kissing Blaine. He tried to stifle a yawn but it was in vain, and soon he felt his eyelids closing.

Just before sleep carried him away, Kurt heard words whispered into his chest.

“I love you.” Blaine's voice was barely audible and Kurt was almost already sleeping, but he still heard them as clearly as if they were spoken next to his ear.

Kurt wasn't ready to say the words out loud yet, but he could feel them forming in his chest.


End file.
